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Cold Metal, and Other Ways Not to Chill a Drink

Cold Metal, and Other Ways not to Chill a Drink
Sarah Szabo
Written by Sarah Szabo
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It is only recently that I have become apprised of the entry into the marketplace of these $45 stainless steel “Whiskey Bullets” from SipDark—these being replacements for ice meant to solve the so-called problem of dilution while simultaneously making you look like a confused, fantastically killable cowboy. These are far from the first reusable chillable implements to be sold—just a different shape. A bullet shape, because you’re a MAN who eats GUNPOWDER and SHITS CANNON FIRE, or so one would assume.

It’s hard to be too annoyed at this—I’ve long been a proponent of drinking your drink the way you drink it, damn the commentary—but I do feel like this particular shape is a little misguided. (Put them in your white wine, you craziest of crazy aunts!)

For future inventors, I offer this short list of other methods of chilling drinks that could work, but no one wants:

• Soapstone

• Ceramics

• Marbles

• A handful of cold change

• The tip of your little nose after coming indoors from a frosty winter’s day

• Nitrous oxide (wasteful)

• Frozen peas

• Screws and nails (choking hazard)

• Himalayan salt blocks

• Yeti teeth

• The cold grip of a sentient snowman

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About the author

Sarah Szabo

Sarah Szabo

Sarah Szabo is a child of America. An ardent lover of whiskey, beer, and life itself—in that order—she works remotely from the back of a 2000 extended cab maroon Dodge Dakota in NE Oklahoma. For more of her less-savory screeds and adventures, follow her daily log via Twitter, or visit her website, sarahszee.com

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